I.
I was sitting in the back of a Leather bar, a bar that had taken me almost 2 hours to drive to. In a dark corner, bootblack supplies all ready to go, and no customers. It was a low point for me. I was wondering if I was really meant to be a bootblack. I seemed to be making no progress. This was a fundraiser and I doubted I would have anything to donate. It was always an uphill battle. Always people asking me "what's a bootblack"? or "what do you get out of shining shoes?" as if it's a kink and nothing else.
But I pushed aside my feelings and watched the show; it was a fundraising event so there would be skits and speeches and such.
And then a Leather woman took the mike to speak and I will never forget the first thing she said:
"YOU MATTER."
She pointed to one side of the audience, and then another, each time saying, "And you matter. And you matter. We all matter."
The speech continued, elaborating on this point, and in that moment, after I heard that, everything changed.
Here I was, sitting around feeling resentful because no one was coming to me? What kind of attitude was that?
As it turned out, I did have several customers that night, and was able to donate something after all.
If someone believes that I matter, that I can make a difference...who am I to say they are wrong? To sit passively waiting for...whatever...but...if I can act on what I want, then...I need to understand WHAT I want, right? Hmmm.
II.
We were on our way to the Mr/Ms NJ Leather weekend and having lunch on the road. Another Leather woman, a class act who does not pull any punches. Between bites of our burgers, she asked me, "So, what's your focus? What is it you want to accomplish as a bootblack?"
I stared at her, my mouthful of burger in mid-chew. I swallowed. I was gobsmacked. I looked down at my napkin.
"It's okay if you can't answer," she said. "Just something to think about."
And I have thought about it.
III.
For a while, I worried that maybe all I wanted was a title. Recognition. A sash. Invitations to bootblack everywhere because I'm just da shit.
Now I am not putting down titles. Never, ever, ever. I am a big supporter of bootblacking contests. Some of my favorite people in the world are title winners (I'm talking to YOU, boy ed from Pittsburgh!)
But if a title is ALL you want -- I think there's something not cool about that.
If I ever find a magical shoeshine box, that when rubbed a Leather genie appears and gives me three wishes pertaining to bootblacking, here is what I would wish for:
- That more kink/fetish events would provide bootblacks. I want to see more opportunities for bootblacks to be seen and customers to learn and enjoy what we do. I would like promoters and presenters to understand that we can be an important asset to their event -- especially if it's for fundraising. In my mind, an event is not fur-real unless a bootblack is there.
- I wish to be that bootblack who, when walking toward the bootblack stand, people are happy to see me because they know I will take good care of them. That I will always have a smile and a clean cloth ready to make that customer shine, both boots and soul.
- A bootblack stand that's easy to transport and fits in most vehicles. LOL -- I don't think even a Leather genie could do that! :-)
IV.
It's impossible for me to name everyone who's had an impact on me this year. All I can say is, to those Leather folks who have inspired me, keep doing it. Keep going. People do listen. Never give up.
Now who's going to get the first shine from me in 2015? Or more important, who's going to be the first to inspire me?
