A Bit of Purging

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. 

-- Will Durant

I will start this second post of Lent by promising that not everything I write will be about bootblacking. As any Bootblack will tell you, under all the polish and Huberd's stains, we are people too, with our own individual needs and festishes and, yes, even everyday hobbies that don't involve leather!

But not today. LOL.

I am going to share something that's been simmering in my gut for a long time. I don't like to start on a negative note but it's not so much negative as a "healthy purging" I hope.

A few years ago I was attending a fetish event and I sat in on a class about bootblacking as a service. 

The class began with a brief "101" lesson, which I wished had been spelled out in the course description, but okay, whatever.

"The first thing I always tell my classes," the instructor said, "is that everything you read about bootblacking on Fetlife is bullshit."

I was, like, WHAT?

I closed my eyes and counted to ten.

Then, very quietly, I got up and walked out of the class.

YES, a definite portion of what's on Fetlife about ANY SUBJECT is, indeed, bullshit. That I can agree with.

However.

There are lots of good Bootblacks on Fetlife who DO know what they're talking about, who take time out to help others by offering advice and information, which they have attained through hard work, knowledge and experience. 

So to make a blanket statement like that? There's the bullshit.

I was just so angry. 

It is unique among humans that we have evolved to use our brains to think and make our own decisions. We learn, we apply what we've learned the best we can, and we hope we do the right thing. If not we have still learned something new.

I would rather learn from someone who knows they don't have all the answers (but hopefully has a few more than I do).

So as of this post, I am letting this anger go. It's over now. Perhaps this person was having a bad day during that class. I don't know what battles this person was fighting at the time. 

Let the journey continue.

Ash Wednesday Thoughts; or, What Shoe Polish Would Jesus Use?

I've had a lot of thoughts about bootblacking lately but haven't taken the time to write them down. Sometimes it's because I'm just scared. I don't want to say anything to offend anyone. It's gotten to the point where my personal self-censorship has gotten so bad I I've toyed with the idea of killing off this blog because of it.

But I won't kill off my blog because this is my journey and I think I have at least the right to travel it in my particular way. It is not anyone else's journey. These are my experiences I'm writing about, and the thoughts that go with them. 

Some of my thoughts, hell maybe most of them, are going to be wrong. I'm not afraid to admit that. 

Today on the Christian calendar it is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Lent is a season of preparation for Easter, through prayer, penance, repentance of sins, atonement and self-denial.

The way I was raised, you were supposed to "give something up" during Lent. But as I've matured, I have tried to "take things on." It's one thing to give up your chocolate habit; another to make yourself a better person.

All of this might sound funny coming from a Bootblack. So much of what we do is kinky and naughty. We have to think about things like how to clean cum off a boot or how to get that conditioner really worked into those leather pants. These are wonderful problems to have. <<weg>>

But to me, in my personal journey, being a Bootblack is first about love.

Recently there was a Facebook post about shoe polish preferences. Of course every Bootblack had to chime in, including myself. But one comment really stood out. 

This gentleman is not only a title winner but also friendly, generous with his knowledge, humble and soft-spoken yet so full of wisdom. Anytime he posts anything, I take notice.

His favorite polish? "Whatever's in my kit," he said. 

The point being, it's not about the brand. It's about the person using it. 

What's in your kit is not so important as what's in your heart.

During this season of Lent I am going to try to post something in my blog every day. 

It will be a bit of a sacrifice because I have to make the time to do it. But that's the point, isn't it?

So, I hope you will walk with me for the next several weeks. If you disagree with something I say, I will listen and learn with respect that is due to every human being. I just ask for the same treatment in return.

And what shoe polish would Jesus use?

That's a no-brainer.

ANGEL-us, of course. 

Ba-dum-tss! 

A Year in Review, and a Visit from the Leather Genie

It would be easy for me to talk about everything I did last year...but I'd rather talk about the people in my life, who meant so much in my journey as a person and as a bootblack.

I.
I was sitting in the back of a Leather bar, a bar that had taken me almost 2 hours to drive to. In a dark corner, bootblack supplies all ready to go, and no customers. It was a low point for me. I was wondering if I was really meant to be a bootblack. I seemed to be making no progress. This was a fundraiser and I doubted I would have anything to donate. It was always an uphill battle. Always people asking me "what's a bootblack"? or "what do you get out of shining shoes?" as if it's a kink and nothing else.

But I pushed aside my feelings and watched the show; it was a fundraising event so there would be skits and speeches and such.

And then a Leather woman took the mike to speak and I will never forget the first thing she said:

"YOU MATTER."

She pointed to one side of the audience, and then another, each time saying, "And you matter. And you matter. We all matter."

The speech continued, elaborating on this point, and in that moment, after I heard that, everything changed.

Here I was, sitting around feeling resentful because no one was coming to me? What kind of attitude was that?

As it turned out, I did have several customers that night, and was able to donate something after all.

If someone believes that I matter, that I can make a difference...who am I to say they are wrong? To sit passively waiting for...whatever...but...if I can act on what I want, then...I need to understand WHAT I want, right? Hmmm.

II.
We were on our way to the Mr/Ms NJ Leather weekend and having lunch on the road. Another Leather woman, a class act who does not pull any punches. Between bites of our burgers, she asked me, "So, what's your focus? What is it you want to accomplish as a bootblack?"

I stared at her, my mouthful of burger in mid-chew. I swallowed. I was gobsmacked. I looked down at my napkin.

"It's okay if you can't answer," she said. "Just something to think about."

And I have thought about it.

III.
For a while, I worried that maybe all I wanted was a title. Recognition. A sash. Invitations to bootblack everywhere because I'm just da shit.

Now I am not putting down titles. Never, ever, ever. I am a big supporter of bootblacking contests. Some of my favorite people in the world are title winners (I'm talking to YOU, boy ed from Pittsburgh!)

But if a title is ALL you want -- I think there's something not cool about that.

If I ever find a magical shoeshine box, that when rubbed a Leather genie appears and gives me three wishes pertaining to bootblacking, here is what I would wish for:

• That more kink/fetish events would provide bootblacks. I want to see more opportunities for bootblacks to be seen and customers to learn and enjoy what we do. I would like promoters and presenters to understand that we can be an important asset to their event -- especially if it's for fundraising. In my mind, an event is not fur-real unless a bootblack is there.

• I wish to be that bootblack who, when walking toward the bootblack stand, people are happy to see me because they know I will take good care of them. That I will always have a smile and a clean cloth ready to make that customer shine, both boots and soul.
• A bootblack stand that's easy to transport and fits in most vehicles. LOL -- I don't think even a Leather genie could do that! :-)

IV. 

It's impossible for me to name everyone who's had an impact on me this year. All I can say is, to those Leather folks who have inspired me, keep doing it. Keep going. People do listen. Never give up. 

Now who's going to get the first shine from me in 2015? Or more important, who's going to be the first to inspire me? 

Update Since September

In a nutshell I have been cray-cray busy at work. Which means I have 0 left in the writing/creativity bit left at the end of the day.

This Sunday morning I am taking a little breather and will sum up what I've been doing leather-wise these past few months.

Here I am in Asbury Park, NJ, bootblacking at the Mr/Ms NJ Leather Competition (October 2014).

I had a blast coordinating the bootblacks for Philadelphia Leather Pride Night this November. Sadly, no pictures.

Last weekend I took a trip to the Baltimore Playhouse and I got the chance to work on these lovely silver Docs:

You can't see the improvement too well with the club lighting, but they really did look better and I was so excited to use my silver shoe cream!

Last but not least, I spent a few hours teaching a friend how to do a high shine, and with the incredibly generous tip I received, bought myself something off my Amazon wish list:

Yes, I am in Nerdvana.

I have wanted for some time to better understand this strange material, leather, that I work on. It was once living skin, and then with an incredible amount of work, it is turned into something magnificent. I want to understand better how that happens.

Currently I am reading the book index and learning such wonderful new words. Did you know that the element Actinium glows blue in the dark? It is what we envision when we think of radioactivity as glowing. What better way to spend a day than learning something new?

Pittsburgh Leather Pride Weekend 2014 - Thoughts

So this was a huge event for me.

My very firstest-Leather Pride bootblacking gig.

A few people were surprised that I would drive 5 hours to do 4 hours of bootblacking.

But that's cause they don't know me.

Let me move away from Pittsburgh for a few moments and explain some things about me.

I have struggled a lot with my identity as a bootblack.

I have issues. I am a cis-gendered female, mostly femme, mostly heterosexual. I am closing in on age 50. I am plain and struggle with my weight. I am shy and introverted.

I am not an appropriate choice to work at a men's Leather bar. Which I don't resent, by the way. It's just the nature of what bootblacking is. Gay men generally do not want my girl cooties on their boots.

Even kink events, I'm not the popular choice. Why have a middle-aged plain overweight lady do your boots when a sexy young hot thing can do them instead.

I totally get all this.

But I love bootblacking with a fierce passion.

Often I have wondered why I feel so strongly about bootblacking, when I simply don't have the right equipment to get a decent number of opportunities. I have shaken my fist, a-la-Salieri, at the heavens for punishing me.

But I've been working through it.

I believe there are reasons for the way things are, reasons that I probably never will understand. And that's okay. Life is too short to wonder why things are the way they are. Better to do what I can and be happy with that.

So every bootblacking event I have the honor to work at, I give myself, 100%. If you sit in my chair I can guarantee you are getting the very best of my skills and love. I try to remember that every opportunity I get, might be my last. It should not be squandered.

Now. Back to Pittsburgh.

What a wonderful weekend I had. I probably worked closer to 6 hours. And met some amazing people. The first night, Friday, at Leather Central, I could not believe how busy I was. That some of my customers were old-time Leather men and they were happy to sit in my chair and have me work on their boots, girl cooties and all. God damn. I could have cried.  I did, actually, in my car on the way back to my hotel.

The second night was the conclusion of the title contest. This was at a different place and the two of us bootblacks were in the back of the bar. Again, I was honored to do the boots of just the nicest Leather men, who were just happy to have someone fuss over them and their boots. It is such a fulfilling feeling, to have someone walk away from your chair, not only with their boots shiny and glowing, but their spirit shiny and glowing too.

This is why I love what I do. And if I don't get to do it as often as I'd like...oh well. Perhaps it is this way so that I may feel this joy as profoundly as I do.

THANK YOU PITTSBURGH!! HOPE TO SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!

Fog

One of the most frequent questions I get, when someone sits for me, is "What attracted you to bootblacking?"

Most of the time it's a conversation starter, but some people do actually want to know. Why would I want to spend time at someone's feet, cleaning and polishing their boots.

Some people ask me if it's a foot fetish.

At first this question made me very uncomfortable and I had to bite my tongue, but then I realized it's not the customer's fault, they're just trying to figure it out. (I'm sure some bootblacks have a foot fetish...it's just the question that annoys me...the implication that bootblacks only do this work to get their jollies.)

The answer to the original question, though, is extremely complicated.

At first it was just watching bootblacks work that intrigued me. Here are people actually doing something useful. And look at the connection they have with the people in the chair. How cool is that, I thought.

And then I talked to a few. Learned a little bit about what they do. An interest rapidly turned into the thought that I might actually want to do this, which led me along a winding and sometimes bumpy path to where I am now.

Over time I started befriending more people from the Leather community. I joined the Philadelphia Leather Alliance. I got to know more bootblacks from throughout the country. I found myself attracted to the values often attributed to the Leather culture: service, integrity, loyalty, etc. I liked being around Leather people, as I found that more often than not, I could find real friendship and trust, much more than that of the kink/fetish community, and even the nilla world.

Since then I have bootblacked in as many venues as possible. TESFest, The Floating World, Boot Camp, Black Phoenix, Aviary a few times, Philadelphia Leather Pride Night.

Where has all of this led me?

I have a few bootblacking gigs coming up during the fall. Of course I'm excited about those.

But otherwise, my future as a bootblack is unclear.

There just aren't many opportunities for a female-identified bootblack to do regular work in the Philly/NJ/DE area.

(Side note: Things could be worse, after all...I could be a male-identified bootblack. In the tristate area I cannot think of even one.)

I need to know that what I'm doing has some purpose, some long-term result. As a spiritual person, I tend to believe that if we follow our passions, our bliss, our life journey will be that much more fulfilling.

My purpose, my place, my role in the scheme of things is so unclear right now. Like I'm standing in a foggy street waiting for it to clear up and reveal what's ahead.

I can't just sit around and twiddle my thumbs. The clock is ticking. I'm almost 50.

So, with nothing else to do, I am determined to continue work on my apprenticeship projects. To be the best bootblack I know how to be. To remember that although my opportunities are few, I must make the absolute best of each one.

In the end, the fog will clear. I am sure of it.

And, for a picture, here's a saddle I worked on recently. The top is before, bottom is after.

When it Comes to Bootblacking, My Glass is More Than Half Full!

Most people who know me, know that I'm not Miss Sunshine and Rainbows.

I consider myself a "realistic optimist." I know that things aren't always going to work out for me. The task is to do my best with the hand I'm dealt. People who are 100% happy all of the time make me a little suspicious. 

So with this in mind, I will talk about a Leather event where I bootblacked this weekend. 

It was a charity event, with entertainment and a silent auction, and I was the sole Bootblack (heh heh heh she said "sole").

I advertised as much as I could beforehand, letting people know a Bootblack would be there.

The attendance was fair, I would say, considering it's a Saturday night in August.

I had three customers.

Now some Bootblacks might not be too happy with that number, for which I totally understand. We take our time, for a whole evening, possibly driving for a couple of hours, just for three people?

And that's when Miss Sunshine and Unicorn Rainbow Farts comes out.

I was so deliriously happy to have these three customers sit for me. More would have been great, of course.

But I remember each one: 

A young handsome man with beautiful oil tan engineer boots and leather chaps and an adorable mustache and bubbly personality. And it was his first time sitting for a Bootblack! Bonus points!

A beautiful young woman, a Leather title holder, who needed her Harley Davidson boots tended to (also oil tans).

And finally, I was approached by a lovely lady wearing black soft leather shoes. "The are almost new," she said. "But they're scuffed on the toes. Is there anything you can do?"

I looked at the scuffs and looked back up at her. 

"There's nothing you can do, is there?" she sighed.

I beamed back at her. "Are you kidding?" I answered. "I will have these looking like new in a few minutes!"

So yeah, I had three customers. But they were wonderful people. And they will remember what a Bootblack can do and they will seek us out at other events. 

Each time we provide this service, we are educating someone. We are letting people know we are here, that we still exist, and always will as long as there are Leather folk.